Brazil’s Rest Struggle: Why We Need It Now

In November 2021, a woman’s autoimmune issues flared up. Her doctor remains unsure whether rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia was the cause, or if both conditions were acting together. The achiness and fatigue signaled that something was more active than usual.

She woke up tired, needed naps, and often ran out of spoons—a term familiar to many with chronic conditions, based on Christine Miserandino’s essay “The Spoon Theory.” While the reason was unclear, one thing was certain: her body was demanding rest.

Knowing she needed rest did not give her the ability to actually do it. She would sit down to watch a show and try to multitask. She would put off a nap like a stubborn toddler. Instead of throwing a tantrum, she tried to “push through” to finish an email or move laundry to the dryer.

Even with a body and brain crying out for rest, it was difficult to allow herself to do it. She had to reparent herself to enforce stopping times and rest periods.

People in the Western world, especially in the United States, are programmed to be productive. They are told what they “should” be doing to stay busy. Work in all forms—from job tasks to errands to chores—is what they are “supposed” to do.

People are conditioned to be productive from a young age. They hear phrases like “I’ll rest when I’m dead” and “no rest for the weary.” They are told to “pay their dues” and “put in the work.” Many also receive these messages indirectly by watching the people in their lives.

Children watch parents come home from work with grocery bags, fix dinner while putting groceries away, or feel wrong if their answer to “What are you doing?” is “nothing.” After dinner, when it is “time to relax,” parents often do additional work, both paid and unpaid, or knit, iron, or putter around the house.

People are told they have to “work hard” to succeed, that “nothing good comes easy,” and that they should not stop when tired, only when “done.” Sitting down and resting is not prioritized. Those who decide to rest often must justify it, as if they have earned the right to rest.

Rest does not only mean sleep, although sleep is a large part of it. It includes sitting comfortably doing not much of anything. It could mean listening to music, watching TV, meditating, working on a jigsaw puzzle, reading a book, playing solitaire, looking out the window, or journaling.

In the fall, as she struggled with her autoimmune flare, she thought she should rest more. She was so used to overriding her body’s signals that she had not realized how far she had pushed herself. When she checked in with her mind and body, she was shocked to find they were almost buckling, on the edge of collapse.

She had waited to notice what was happening until she reached the point where she could not do many tasks in a day. A banner day during that time might have involved a single load of laundry or cooking dinner. She was so fixated on staying busy that she could no longer honestly assess her need for busyness.

Had she continued to push ahead, she is certain she would have fallen ill. She was dealing with brain fog, fatigue, and joint and muscle pain, which made life unpleasant. She sees now that she should never have allowed things to get to that state, but fatigue and pain have a way of teaming up so you cannot clearly assess anything.

When she hit the edge of collapse and burnout, she realized serious rest was in order. She cleared her calendar for at least three weeks, clearing her work calendar of appointments, scheduling brief blog posts and emails, and taking time off.

It was torture at first. Her husband was still getting up and heading out to teach tai chi and qigong classes, modeling “proper” work behavior. She also discovered she was incapable of “just resting.” She had to relearn how to listen to her body to discover what it needed.

She had to reprogram her thoughts about rest as an inherent right that everyone holds, not a reward for productivity. She also had to learn how to actually do it. She did all the forms of rest, from naps to puzzles to sitting quietly. It was ridiculously difficult.

She had to almost force herself to limit herself to single-tasking, doing one task at a time. That was especially hard if the task was mechanically simple, such as watching a television show. Her inner monologue would chastise her for “just sitting there,” urging her to “be productive.”

When she decided rest meant watching a movie on TV, she sometimes sat on her hands to make sure she did not pick up her phone or a crossword puzzle. She often put her phone on silent and left it in another room to reduce temptation.

Even with taking steps to single-task, she did not always manage. But she learned through reinforcement that nothing was likely to arise in an hour or two that required her to give up resting and take immediate action. She realized she was retraining her nervous system to allow itself to relax. It was so used to being in a state of alertness that resting took some getting used to.

When she started to budget rest into her days, she could tell more easily what signals her body was sending. It became easier to converse with her brain and body to find out how they were feeling and what they needed. She has never felt more integrated than she does now.

At any given moment, she can pause, tap into what she is feeling mentally and physically, and act on her own needs in ways that are more nurturing than before. When she realizes she is losing focus on a project, she no longer pushes through. Instead, thanks to months of practice, she pauses and checks in. She can quickly ascertain whether she needs a simple break, to walk around, to take a walk outdoors, or to stop for the day.

She is learning to embrace the idea that rest is an inherent right, not something that needs to be earned. It is no longer something that occurs only once she has pushed herself to the point of collapse. The more she leans into rest and builds it into her days, the more energy she has to accomplish the things she wants to get done in life.